this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
