worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
