I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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