the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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