I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
