He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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