The maid of honor just puked.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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