We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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