All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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