That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
