He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
