How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
