This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
