Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
