Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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