She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
