dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
