Just cropdusted the office
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
