I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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