What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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