Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
