I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
