Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
