just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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