And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
