Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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