Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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