Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
