3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I accidentally had phone sex last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
