U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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