i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
