it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
