I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
