Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
