I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
