So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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