i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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