Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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