Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
