i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
