he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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