Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
