Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
