i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
