Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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