I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
