I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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