Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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