omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
