just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
