Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
