I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
